Today's Track : Radiohead - Fake Plastic Trees

Friday at work I found out that my company benefits covers massages up to $500 a year. Boy did that make me one happy little camper. Free stuff always makes me a happy litle camper. I swear if they gave away free anal itch in a bottle, I'd be the first one in line. (Then I'd put some in your drink.)

So I asked around the office to see if anyone had taken advantage of this benefit and whether they could recommend someone to me. My coworker recommended this Russian lady that apparently is really good. I don't know about you but when I think about Russian women, I either think-- a) She's a hot babe like Anna Kournikova; b) a flexible gymnast like Svetlana Boganskaya; or c) a manly lesbian woman with large hands like Martina Navratilova. I'm guessing Tolstoy's book Anna Karenina was either about a hot Russian babe who was really flexible in bed or about a big manly Russian woman who had a stutter. But I digress. (If digression was a big white glove, you'd be slapped silly every time you read this blog.)

Anyhow, I call up this lady during my lunch break.

Me - "Hi can I speak to Miss Tiiu Petrova please?"
Man on the phone in a big burly voice - "This is Tiiu, how can I help you?"
Me - *silence*
Tiiu - "Hello?"
Me - "Um...a coworker of mine recommended you for a massage. Do you have any open appointments for next week?"
Tiiu - "How does Tuesday 7:15pm sound?"
Me - "Ok."
Tiiu - "What's your name?"
Me - "Khiem Le"
Tiiu - "Ok Khiem, we'll see you on Tuesday."
Me - "ok Tiiu. *click*"

So I walk over to my coworker's desk who recommended the masseuse to me.

"I guess you forgot to mention to me that this lady is a big manly lady who's going to break every bone in my body huh?".

My coworker replies, "Well she is quite large and she's got pretty strong hands which is why she's so good at massages!"

"Great, just great. Thanks Julie :@"

So now I have a massage appointment with a very large, manly Russian lady on Tuesday. I'm suddenly reminded of that Mad TV skit where the black guy goes to the massage parlour and is greeted by Jim Carrey dressed up as an ugly white lady in a two piece bikini.

Why god? Why have you forsaken me???